I’ve always wanted to be a mom. There wasn’t a time, even as a little girl, that I do not remember NOT wanting a little baby of my own. I have two younger siblings, while the middle daughter Katie is only 2 years younger, my youngest sister Diana is 9. I will never forget leaving the hospital with my parents and sister Diana. In the elevator someone looked at her and said “Looks like a doll” and she did! I think I was always obsessed with her. I loved watching her and playing with her. Then came the neighborhood babysitting jobs and then nanny jobs. I just always loved children and loved learning how to take care of them.
When I met husband, I had just turned 25. I ALWAYS wanted kids by the time I was 25, but LOL, little did I know. The cards in my life deck just did not play out that way and for absolutely good reason. Joe, the now husband, & I were friends for just under a year before we got serious. I will be forever grateful for that. We got to know each other, our goals, background, life, flaws and all before being together. He was/is my first real relationship. We would talk about kids and have pretty much always been on the same page as far as that goes. Time frame, age frame, life frame. We had a plan, but we all know how it goes when you make plans sometimes.
We got married last year, August 7th, with no plans of children for at least 2 years as we definitely wanted to buy a house before that. As we approach our 1-year anniversary, I’m currently 6 months pregnant with our first boy. As you can tell, things were not going as planned.
As I arrive at the point of this blog that has been highly requested, I have to insert a trigger warning, there is mention of miscarriage. And so, it begins…
Now I’d like to preface, I still believe in psychics & mediums.
I have had a few readings with this one woman over the past few years. She even did readings at my bridal shower (it was a surprise & so awesome). February of this year I had a reading that quite literally changed my life. I’ve always been told for the past few years be it from reiki healers, energy readers, psychics, that my sacral chakra was blocked. It came as no surprise when this woman told me that my sacral chakra was blocked. The surprise was, after years of readings, she said for the first time ever that I would struggle getting and keeping a pregnancy. She mentioned miscarriage and that she did not see kids in the near future. I was heartbroken. Devasted. At this point in my life, I actually felt like had we been in a house I felt ready to become a mom and she basically made me feel that was just not in my cards. She went onto say and suggest work on my sacral chakra and that if I did this, I could possibly change this vision.
Immediately following this reading, I started looking into what I needed to do to work on my sacral chakra. I was gifted a sacral chakra workbook that I started using. I purchased orange votive candles and whipped out the handy dandy journal. I really dug dip into what the sacral chakra was even responsible for and it was so much more than fertility. All the things I felt I was lacking in my being fell into the sacral chakra category. Confidence, stomach issues, anxiety, and feeling overwhelmed. I did my own thing as far as the work goes. I lit a candle every single day and set my intentions as I lit it. I made my own spell jar concoction with crystals, herbs, intentions and essential oils that I felt called to use. I changed out my nightstand crystals and I made a sacral chakra grid that was on my dresser. I will list the ingredients and crystals at the end of the blog. And the biggest thing, journaled. I started this journey February 11th.
I had my every day routine of the workbook, journal and candle lighting. March 23rd, I woke up and made my usual morning coffee. Took a sip and felt heartburn. Now I have had heartburn before, but this triggered a thought. “How rude to ruin my morning coffee”. Later that day, I got my hair done and while I did my friend gave me tums that just did not want to work. At night I grabbed a pregnancy test. I was days away from my period but something in me felt I should just take one and what do you know. “Pregnant”. It was the most surreal moment of my life. I took another test when I got home and then told my husband. Called my doctor the next day and went in for blood work. That Friday they called with the results and I was pregnant. From the results they said I was just about 4 weeks pregnant at that time.
The entire first trimester was a nightmare. Not because of anything other than the anxiety of miscarriage. I truly had PTSD from the reading and felt I would never enjoy my pregnancy because of it. I pushed through, journaled, still was lighting a candle every day but now with new intentions, and I started wearing crystals for the pregnancy and anxiety. I even purchased an affirmation book that I will also put at the end of the blog. Deep down I was so determined to be happy. I started having occasional bleeding at week 18. It happened a few times and at 19 weeks, followed by 20, I went to the hospital. They ran blood work and ultrasounds and the baby was fine. They were unable to give me a definite reason and it tore my soul apart because all those fears and anxieties crept back in. It hasn’t been easy but here we are 23 weeks 3 days. I’m considered low risk, have no terrible symptoms, and I can now distinctly tell he is moving around. I feel blessed. Scared, which feels normal, but blessed.
My journey working on my sacral chakra was so empowering and so freeing. I am not perfect and I started slacking on the work. To be honest, only the past week have I felt like I needed and was able to work on it again. Journaling for me is such a powerful thing and I started doing that again to get back into the groove of things. Working on anxiety as well as depression. Fears, anxieties, and depression aside, the amazing thing that has happened was that I became pregnant. It may not have been the timing we wanted, but it happened and both my husband and I are so excited. November can not come soon enough.
If you find yourself on the same or similar journey, don’t give up.
All the blessings & more,
Steph
